One Saturday morning, I decided to get out of bed and finally go through the task of cleaning my apartment. Once I started to actually physically clean my place up, after a few minutes of contemplating just rolling over and going back to sleep, I noticed that I had stacks of magazines littered throughout my spacey single. And nearly each stack or pile had different copies of a variety of magazines. I mean there were collections of men’s fashion magazines, gay newsmagazines, a copy of Playboy that I honestly got for a couple of articles, an erotic gay glossy, a gay something magazine and one of those new magazines that feature busty female celebrities on the covers and is basically about nothing but crazy guy stuff.
I thought that if my apartment were on the ground floor and I’d open up my windows some of the pedestrians out on the street would probably mistake my place for a used magazine rack. So, this is why whenever I go to the coffee shop that I end up buying an iced tea that normally would cost a couple of bucks but I’d find myself ten dollars poorer upon my return home.
Why can’t there be one magazine to fit all tastes? I mean, why do I have to purchase the NFL issue of Sports Illustrated when Out Magazine can easily slip a sports section in each issue somewhere? And why do gay rags automatically assume that I’m going to be interested in whatever the fuck Britney Spears is drinking or give a damn about looking at some twenty year old in a pair of 200 dollar Speedos? Okay, the second half of that last sentence is basically a stupid no-brainer…just thought I’d throw that in for extra words.
Anyway, why isn’t there a magazine that can cater to all men and leave stereotypical bullshit to Conde Nast? And the idea hit me: Testosterone Magazine – THE men’s magazine. I mean, wouldn’t that be the most awesome idea ever?
Okay, hear me out. As I mentioned, gay magazines don’t have sports sections. I guess they automatically assume that I care more about some expose on whatever a diva is than Brett Favre’s touchdown passes. Now Testosterone magazine will obviously have a sports section as well as a music section. A heterosexual buddy of mine loves Diana Ross…why, I don’t know but as long as he doesn’t force me to listen to her then our friendship will remain intact. Anyway, Testosterone magazine will have a music section for both diva lovers and regular music people who like quality music.
Now, imagine a straight guy who can really give you some good decorating ideas as well as cooking tips. Well, Testosterone magazine will be right there for him to happily flip through without him having to sneak into Barnes & Noble to hide his copy of Design Today under an issue of GQ. I mean, gay men who don’t fit this particular stereotype given to us won’t have to pick up a magazine and scratch his head asking who the hell are Judy, Barbra, Christina and Whitney or wondering why this Tony person gives out awards every year. And straight men who don’t give a damn about baseball can actually embrace the advice of Martha Stewart without their manhood being questioned at the supermarket checkout when he gasps at a new issue of her magazine.
There could be a nude section of women for the straight guys and a nude section of men for the gay guys. And that means that there will even be something for the bisexual man as well! Testosterone magazine will not only feature articles and advice from everything masculine as well as fey, but the sections of glossy nude photos of voluptuous beauties and naked studs in each issue for the guy who swings both ways won’t have to pay for separate issues of Penthouse and Men…Testosterone will have everything the bisexual man needs to get through his night…and he won’t have to make the choice of one sex or the other. They both will be available as he turns the pages with one hand. Somehow, I think the straight man will also become more comfortable with the fact that he doesn’t have the only worthwhile penis in the world.
So, honestly, I think this will be a fantastic idea and would cost a magazine hound like me less money while the publishers rake in the dough!!
I’m sure Testosterone Magazine will work because, after all, everyone needs a little space to get through all of this stereotypical bullshit. C’mon, when was the last time you heard two straight guys trading recipes and two gay guys horsing around with a football?
I thought that if my apartment were on the ground floor and I’d open up my windows some of the pedestrians out on the street would probably mistake my place for a used magazine rack. So, this is why whenever I go to the coffee shop that I end up buying an iced tea that normally would cost a couple of bucks but I’d find myself ten dollars poorer upon my return home.
Why can’t there be one magazine to fit all tastes? I mean, why do I have to purchase the NFL issue of Sports Illustrated when Out Magazine can easily slip a sports section in each issue somewhere? And why do gay rags automatically assume that I’m going to be interested in whatever the fuck Britney Spears is drinking or give a damn about looking at some twenty year old in a pair of 200 dollar Speedos? Okay, the second half of that last sentence is basically a stupid no-brainer…just thought I’d throw that in for extra words.
Anyway, why isn’t there a magazine that can cater to all men and leave stereotypical bullshit to Conde Nast? And the idea hit me: Testosterone Magazine – THE men’s magazine. I mean, wouldn’t that be the most awesome idea ever?
Okay, hear me out. As I mentioned, gay magazines don’t have sports sections. I guess they automatically assume that I care more about some expose on whatever a diva is than Brett Favre’s touchdown passes. Now Testosterone magazine will obviously have a sports section as well as a music section. A heterosexual buddy of mine loves Diana Ross…why, I don’t know but as long as he doesn’t force me to listen to her then our friendship will remain intact. Anyway, Testosterone magazine will have a music section for both diva lovers and regular music people who like quality music.
Now, imagine a straight guy who can really give you some good decorating ideas as well as cooking tips. Well, Testosterone magazine will be right there for him to happily flip through without him having to sneak into Barnes & Noble to hide his copy of Design Today under an issue of GQ. I mean, gay men who don’t fit this particular stereotype given to us won’t have to pick up a magazine and scratch his head asking who the hell are Judy, Barbra, Christina and Whitney or wondering why this Tony person gives out awards every year. And straight men who don’t give a damn about baseball can actually embrace the advice of Martha Stewart without their manhood being questioned at the supermarket checkout when he gasps at a new issue of her magazine.
There could be a nude section of women for the straight guys and a nude section of men for the gay guys. And that means that there will even be something for the bisexual man as well! Testosterone magazine will not only feature articles and advice from everything masculine as well as fey, but the sections of glossy nude photos of voluptuous beauties and naked studs in each issue for the guy who swings both ways won’t have to pay for separate issues of Penthouse and Men…Testosterone will have everything the bisexual man needs to get through his night…and he won’t have to make the choice of one sex or the other. They both will be available as he turns the pages with one hand. Somehow, I think the straight man will also become more comfortable with the fact that he doesn’t have the only worthwhile penis in the world.
So, honestly, I think this will be a fantastic idea and would cost a magazine hound like me less money while the publishers rake in the dough!!
I’m sure Testosterone Magazine will work because, after all, everyone needs a little space to get through all of this stereotypical bullshit. C’mon, when was the last time you heard two straight guys trading recipes and two gay guys horsing around with a football?
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