Here

I purchased a new camcorder on Friday as my present one does not connect to my computer. However, after further research I found one that does connect to my computer and I set about learning all that I could about my new camcorder as I couldn't wait to start shooting stuff in order to hone in on my vision. As I casually flipped through the instruction booklet, I wondered if I would carry my new camcorder around everywhere like I do my digital camera? Sometimes, one wishes that he could be so diligent...I thought of that this morning while preparing for work and placing my new camcorder in my backpack.
I wish I could have gotten my Saturday night on tape, as I went over to my friend Ken's place for dinner. As we ate, we both looked up men on match.com...when I arrived Ken was in the middle of looking up guys in L.A. and San Diego, as he has plans on moving to Southern California sometime next year. A look through Seattle single gay men for me during a casual dinner between friends, a nice bottle of wine and some really good music in the background would have made a decent and intimate short.
Maybe I should have taken my camcorder with me on Sunday when my classmates and I met up at the Ewing Street Moor to get a look around at the background of our class project. Three females and myself. We all get along great, but I'm sure from an outsider's point of view one would see three talkative girls yaking away while the guy just sat back and listened, wondering where did he exactly fit in on the project. I would have shot it in black and white to give it a bit of polished flair.
Sunday night would not have been such a bad night to have my camcorder with me at Madison Pub, as a documentary about a night out at a gay bar just screams Independent Spirit Award. Yah!! I sat inside of the bar with my friends watching the Seahawks loose to the Redskins. At one point, a friend of mine came in that I haven't seen for a couple of months. Let's call him K. Okay? Any way, K came in with his new roommate - a guy I met sometime last year. They went off to play some pool. My other friends left for the night, while I talked German literature with my friend Dan. At one point, K came up and asked if I would go have a smoke with him. I told Dan that I would be back. K and I stood outside and caught up and laughed and generally missed each other. When we got back inside of the bar, I heard my friend Kelvin tell his friend Jeff something as he watched K: "He's a prostitute."
I went back to Dan and we continued with our conversation. What Kelvin had said just swirled around in my head until I could no longer take it. I excused myself from Dan and walked over and - as nice and cordial and generally mystified as I could be - asked Kelvin what made him think that K is a prostitute. Kelvin stumbled over his words and said that he had heard it around. Jeff made a statement that if it's been heard more than once from many sources that there tends to be truth lurking in there somewhere. Jeff even mentioned that my friends at the bar have said something about all of this. I have been hearing about it, and I've thought about it. And it hurt a little bit to think about K and the gossip.
K and I went back out to have another smoke. Thinking of the many gossipy and bitchy things I've heard about K over the years, I asked him how does he deal with what people say about him.
"I just don't worry about it. Fuck what these people think about me," he said.
Then, it just didn't matter if he is a prostitute or not. The one thing he is is my friend.
Later in the night, Eric walked in. A hug, a kiss and a short chat ensued before he moved along to spend time with his friends. By this time Dan had left and I was talking with another group of people. I saw another friend of mine and his boyfriend, who, despite the fact that I always make an effort to greet him takes every opportunity to ignore me. This is not just a coinsidence, this happens a lot...with other people also. So, I turned to my friends and asked: "Why is it that when I have a white friend who has a black boyfriend that no matter how friendly or warm I try to be to them, the boyfriend just hate me from the getgo?"
Sure, its all about me trying to seduce their man. Even when I make it plain and sure that I have no sexual nor romantic yearnings for my friends. Even when I had a boyfriend and he had black friends, I did not find it hard to make friends with these men even if they previously had a relationship with my then boyfriend. However, a friend told me, you must accept reality: friends' boyfriends don't like you and neither will any in future scenarios as such.
It would have been great to have my camcorder at the end of the evening when a group of my friends stood outside smoking and having fun. A round of hugs and kisses ended the night, and I walked home.
To be a documentary filmmaker I'm learning that projects exists all around me. I just have to take the opportunity.