Caterwaul

There are times when I feel that my personal vocabulary is really limited, and there are times when I use a word and I'm somewhat surprised that not only did I know the meaning of the word but that I had great usage for it. However, there seems to be one word in the English language that seems to set people off on one sort of a tangent or other or when used creates thoughts and opinions and observations and judgments that...whew! There seems to be endless results at it's use that it makes me wonder if this word is so treasured and sacred that it can cause controversy because of it's very existence.

I'm talking about The B word: boyfriend.

Merriam-Webster online describes the word 'boyfriend' as 1: a male friend; 2: a frequent or regular companion on a romantic or sexual relationship. Wikipedia (and i know a lot of you will groan in protest at my using this online source) gives the same meaning but adds 'though normally not in a long-term committed relationship, where other titles are more commonly used.'

My personal relationship with the word started when I would hear my sisters using it in terms of the guys they dated. It was the same in television, movies, books, etc. when a character dated or fucked someone even if it had come about from a few dates or a few days. And that's where I learned the meaning of the word - a word that means nothing less than you're sharing some time with someone with romantic and sexual overtones that may get stronger or lead to nothing.

Now, let's move on...

In recent years, I have discovered that the B word has come to mean something more deeper, more meaningful, more scarier and more convoluted than a Republican's policies. One case in point: it was Gay Pride and a couple of friends of mine relayed a story to me about a guy we all knew who had met and hooked up with someone for the weekend and casually referred to him as his boyfriend. My friends were annoyed and complained about our friend using the word so casually even though the future of the relationship held no foundation other than what would occur during the weekend. I found no problem with the use of the word, as I found that it is common practice that during Gay Pride men will find someone whom they can hold hands, fuck and share a great weekend with. I was astonished at such judgment from my friends.

Another case in point, I hit on a guy and we went out once. Our relationship didn't really go anywhere even though we liked each other and would see each other from time to time. One night, he called me his boyfriend. I turned to two of my friends and asked: 'Did he just say what I thought he did?' They nodded, and I thought: okay, maybe I'm not the only person who does not find the word as evil as some people do.

3rd case (and last in this observation), I had dated someone for about a month. We liked each other. I guess there was room for us to develop our relationship further and with time. One night we sat and watched some television, once a show was over he asked if I wanted to continue watching. "I'd rather kiss my boyfriend," I said, and he freaked out. I mean, he really shook in his shoes and his voice cracked and he suggested that we talk long and hard about that word. I sort of felt like a kid in school who had farted out loud. Later on I was telling another friend about breaking up with said guy. "How long did you guys go out?" my friend asked. "About six to eight weeks," I answered. "Then that's not a boyfriend," I was told.

Okay, so here it is...something I've been wanting to ask for a very long time: what in the fuck is the meaning of boyfriend? Why is it that when some of us have been taught to use it as casually as it sounds we are branded with such inane titles as desperate and clingy? And why can some use it at their leisure and others cannot?

When I came out and was developing my own sense of what it must mean to be gay I heard the B word used often and with other terms such as Lover, I figured that the term was used in the context in which I had been taught. As the years passed, I am learning that 'boyfriend' has come to take on a whole new meaning as well as it's usage.

In a way, this reminds me of a survey I took back in Los Angeles about the length of time it takes for two people to fall in love. Everyone had a different take: some people thought immediately, some people gave specific time frames while others thought that falling in love was more of a contract between two people.

What is the true meaning of the B word? What does it mean when you use it? Is it defined by one's outlook or one's own need? 

From these questions, and probably many more that I have, I wonder about the maturity of the word and it's reception. Maybe it is based on the person and the situation or the relationship and it's definition. Or maybe it's like the word 'gay' where at a time it meant how a person was feeling whereas now it is used to describe one's sexuality.

Also, most importantly, what does the B word mean to you and how you use it?