A couple of weeks ago, my friend Leah was passing through the Bay Area on her way down to Southern California to join her fiance in building a new life. She called me up and we had dinner and talked over old times...good times - memories that will stay in my heart for the rest of my life. Somewhere in there, Leah asked me if I was happy and found myself stumbling for words. She seemed surprised. Then she told me all of the things that she heard me say about Seattle before leaving. I was not defensive, as I know I said a lot of crap about Seattle. However, from the look on her face I detected that I did more than talk crap about Seattle - I had verbally shitted all over the city. The hurt look on her face made me feel ashamed and I tried to hide it - quite unsuccessfully I might add.
So,now, let me get one thing straight: I love Seattle. I always have, even before I moved to the Emerald City, I loved it. And after I had become more of a part of the Capitol Hill community, after I had become a part of the Madison Pub crew, after I had found what I really wanted to do with my life that I found a place where I actually felt as if I belonged. My beef was (and could still be) with the guys in Seattle. Now, there is a whole different thing. I was tired of being pushed and pulled. I was tired of pre-conceived opinions about me before one had ever shook my hand. I was tired of someone getting my dick hard and then making me jump through hoops and me never getting complete satisfaction. I was tired of giving up and living my life only to be brought back into the sea of games...yes, my fault for believing them, so I should leave that part out. Again, I thought it was me until I started to notice (or pay closer attention to) other opinions and experiences. Sure, I could have been grown up enough to poo-poo it all away and I didn't. And I believe my feelings and my observations and my point-of-view are valid. I have discovered that not everyone in the same in Seattle just like back in L.A. Only, in L.A. when I encountered someone I knew where to stand. In Seattle, it was a little bit painful because I wanted to believe the men I were dealing with were mature enough to be honest when I presented my honestly to them. And I admit that I'm not a complete innocent here, but I do believe that I wore my heart on my sleeve.
So, yes, my feelings are valid but I did not mean it about the city of Seattle in its entirety. So, I apologize. And I hope you accept this most deeply felt and raw offer of forgiveness, Seattle. I think I have just closed another chapter in my book and can actually wash all of that negative crap down the drain and learn to live my life with my friends, my camcorder, my books, my music, my right and left hands, my Madison Pub and my nighttime soaps. I think that is all this middle-aged man needs in his life until the time comes for him to reflect and know that he has lived a good life.
Anyway, if someone that I know who is reading this wants to call me out on my crap and think I'm trying to gloss over my past then go for it. Please, because, you know what? What good is preaching honesty if you can't live up to it?
So,now, let me get one thing straight: I love Seattle. I always have, even before I moved to the Emerald City, I loved it. And after I had become more of a part of the Capitol Hill community, after I had become a part of the Madison Pub crew, after I had found what I really wanted to do with my life that I found a place where I actually felt as if I belonged. My beef was (and could still be) with the guys in Seattle. Now, there is a whole different thing. I was tired of being pushed and pulled. I was tired of pre-conceived opinions about me before one had ever shook my hand. I was tired of someone getting my dick hard and then making me jump through hoops and me never getting complete satisfaction. I was tired of giving up and living my life only to be brought back into the sea of games...yes, my fault for believing them, so I should leave that part out. Again, I thought it was me until I started to notice (or pay closer attention to) other opinions and experiences. Sure, I could have been grown up enough to poo-poo it all away and I didn't. And I believe my feelings and my observations and my point-of-view are valid. I have discovered that not everyone in the same in Seattle just like back in L.A. Only, in L.A. when I encountered someone I knew where to stand. In Seattle, it was a little bit painful because I wanted to believe the men I were dealing with were mature enough to be honest when I presented my honestly to them. And I admit that I'm not a complete innocent here, but I do believe that I wore my heart on my sleeve.
So, yes, my feelings are valid but I did not mean it about the city of Seattle in its entirety. So, I apologize. And I hope you accept this most deeply felt and raw offer of forgiveness, Seattle. I think I have just closed another chapter in my book and can actually wash all of that negative crap down the drain and learn to live my life with my friends, my camcorder, my books, my music, my right and left hands, my Madison Pub and my nighttime soaps. I think that is all this middle-aged man needs in his life until the time comes for him to reflect and know that he has lived a good life.
Anyway, if someone that I know who is reading this wants to call me out on my crap and think I'm trying to gloss over my past then go for it. Please, because, you know what? What good is preaching honesty if you can't live up to it?
No comments:
Post a Comment