This morning, I lay in bed in a regretful haze of a hangover - wondering when the hangover horn would blow. To try to keep my mind off of the fact that last night I had drank a little more than I had planned on (thanks to a friend who demanded to buy me a drink after i had closed out my tab), I needed some cheap drama. I watched an episode each of One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl. From the featured storylines of each show, I found myself thinking about love.
I thought of how I had learned about love from television, movies and books. And how that lesson had been a grand spectacle. I remembered that as a teenager I wondered about falling in love and being in love. I guess we all pass through that valley of hope and wonder even as adults. My lessons from our culture had me thinking that love would be this wonderful experience that would last forever - with the right person - and would conquer all and would be the basis of happily ever after. One can only laugh at such sophomoric gatherings.
Now, I am not approaching this as a bitter man or a broken-hearted man or even a man of cynicism.
(well, i might be slightly cynical)
Anyway, my thoughts brought me to one question: does love actually exist?
I ask this question because (based on some experiences - not all my own personal, though) it seems that people are looking for a relationship. I am sure that most people want to fall in love and experience it's beauty and magic and glamour and intensity. However, love seems to be this thing that most other people run from. To illustrate this, I will relay a common story I've witnessed. I have a friend who is attractive, intelligent, successful and sexually active. This friend finds sex to be sensual and wonderful and usually does not have trouble meeting men for one night stands or having encounters in sex clubs and bathhouses. But he always finds himself heading into these instant relationships with an array of men he dates. These men are cute but - more normal than not - emotional syphons. My friend is willing to throw all he has into these relationships while his other halves tend to be more on the temporary side. My friend has been cheated on, emotionally raped, stolen from, embarrassed and, still, he moves forward with finding the so-called right one. (there's some cynicism for you)
On the other hand, my friend had been in a long term relationship with a so-called right one and they were very much in love...only, well, their sex life had waned into non-existence. My friend's lover explained to him that an open relationship would be fine with him, yet my friend decided they should break up. He wanted the whole thing: sex, a relationship, love.
I use this example to state that my friend has always found a relationship, but he only found love once. I have got to give it to him, however, that he remains a trooper and continues to search for love. Maybe it's in all the wrong places, but he doesn't seem to have given up.
Love. The be all and end all. In sickness and in health. The conquerer of all. The very fabric of a miracle.
I have friends. I meet people. And it seems that everyone wants to know 'how is your love life?' Am I in the same boat here?
I have friends and I meet people. And it seems that everyone talks about having a relationship. No one talks about love. Dating doesn't seem to lead anywhere but to where and how a relationship will work out. If the both of you are compatable, then maybe a relationship will work. Even with prerequisites...
(by the way, whatever happened to just having fun? there, more cynicism)
Take a breath and reflect on those personal ads at the back of almost every magazine or bar rag or street paper. Take a close look at the completed applications of dating services. The personality, interests and physicality are already set in stone. One just needs to find that one person that fits ALL of the criteria. I understand attraction and types, as I have explained before. But isn't love - true and real - supposed to take us by surprise? Or is it actually like buying a car? Sure, that surprise probably does come when we list our wants and needs and pre-conceived characteristics. But doesn't that leave us closed to the probability that love can come from someone not quite like the movie fantasy we find ourselves gripping to? Maybe Ira Levin stated a horrifying truth when he wrote The Stepford Wives...do we want love? Or do we want custom made dolls?
From statistics of divorce and studies on infidelity, I already know that love and sex often fade away from each other. And I think that maybe in looking for love, we probably should think of the possibility that our relationships will have to take some dramatic turn to keep love intact or alive. I also know that people can fall out of love just as easily as they fall into love. So enjoying what you have in the time that you have it is also an option when looking for love.
Getting back to my original question, does love exist? I think that maybe it does. Somewhere in our humanistic capacity. Also, are we looking for love or are we looking for relationships? I think that maybe a relationship is a great secondary prize to the reality we, as intelligent animals, find that love is: the hardest, most life-altering emotion we possess without control. And it's beauty is no match for our pride.
I thought of how I had learned about love from television, movies and books. And how that lesson had been a grand spectacle. I remembered that as a teenager I wondered about falling in love and being in love. I guess we all pass through that valley of hope and wonder even as adults. My lessons from our culture had me thinking that love would be this wonderful experience that would last forever - with the right person - and would conquer all and would be the basis of happily ever after. One can only laugh at such sophomoric gatherings.
Now, I am not approaching this as a bitter man or a broken-hearted man or even a man of cynicism.
(well, i might be slightly cynical)
Anyway, my thoughts brought me to one question: does love actually exist?
I ask this question because (based on some experiences - not all my own personal, though) it seems that people are looking for a relationship. I am sure that most people want to fall in love and experience it's beauty and magic and glamour and intensity. However, love seems to be this thing that most other people run from. To illustrate this, I will relay a common story I've witnessed. I have a friend who is attractive, intelligent, successful and sexually active. This friend finds sex to be sensual and wonderful and usually does not have trouble meeting men for one night stands or having encounters in sex clubs and bathhouses. But he always finds himself heading into these instant relationships with an array of men he dates. These men are cute but - more normal than not - emotional syphons. My friend is willing to throw all he has into these relationships while his other halves tend to be more on the temporary side. My friend has been cheated on, emotionally raped, stolen from, embarrassed and, still, he moves forward with finding the so-called right one. (there's some cynicism for you)
On the other hand, my friend had been in a long term relationship with a so-called right one and they were very much in love...only, well, their sex life had waned into non-existence. My friend's lover explained to him that an open relationship would be fine with him, yet my friend decided they should break up. He wanted the whole thing: sex, a relationship, love.
I use this example to state that my friend has always found a relationship, but he only found love once. I have got to give it to him, however, that he remains a trooper and continues to search for love. Maybe it's in all the wrong places, but he doesn't seem to have given up.
Love. The be all and end all. In sickness and in health. The conquerer of all. The very fabric of a miracle.
I have friends. I meet people. And it seems that everyone wants to know 'how is your love life?' Am I in the same boat here?
I have friends and I meet people. And it seems that everyone talks about having a relationship. No one talks about love. Dating doesn't seem to lead anywhere but to where and how a relationship will work out. If the both of you are compatable, then maybe a relationship will work. Even with prerequisites...
(by the way, whatever happened to just having fun? there, more cynicism)
Take a breath and reflect on those personal ads at the back of almost every magazine or bar rag or street paper. Take a close look at the completed applications of dating services. The personality, interests and physicality are already set in stone. One just needs to find that one person that fits ALL of the criteria. I understand attraction and types, as I have explained before. But isn't love - true and real - supposed to take us by surprise? Or is it actually like buying a car? Sure, that surprise probably does come when we list our wants and needs and pre-conceived characteristics. But doesn't that leave us closed to the probability that love can come from someone not quite like the movie fantasy we find ourselves gripping to? Maybe Ira Levin stated a horrifying truth when he wrote The Stepford Wives...do we want love? Or do we want custom made dolls?
From statistics of divorce and studies on infidelity, I already know that love and sex often fade away from each other. And I think that maybe in looking for love, we probably should think of the possibility that our relationships will have to take some dramatic turn to keep love intact or alive. I also know that people can fall out of love just as easily as they fall into love. So enjoying what you have in the time that you have it is also an option when looking for love.
Getting back to my original question, does love exist? I think that maybe it does. Somewhere in our humanistic capacity. Also, are we looking for love or are we looking for relationships? I think that maybe a relationship is a great secondary prize to the reality we, as intelligent animals, find that love is: the hardest, most life-altering emotion we possess without control. And it's beauty is no match for our pride.
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